Weird and impeccably packaged. The perfect mix, and at the moment, I’ve enough hubris to claim that the same applies to my own character. This obviously means that my spirit edible is butternut squash yogurt. I found this in Whole Foods, nestled in between kefir and vegan cheese so far removed from the real thing that it was closer to a Carrot Top comedy set than Camembert. The cashiers extolled it, and I sneered inwardly. Impeccable packaging. Twee as all hell. Let’s crack it open. Continue reading
Disclosure: I am a member of the Collective Bias Social Fabric Community. While this shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser, the recipes and opinions are mine alone. The corny jokes, too.
In a world…where the dishwasher was full and the protagonist was incapable of washing dishes by hand…One skillet. Fed them both.
Days. Continue reading
Note: I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Millennial Central for Kirin. I received product samples to facilitate my review as well as a SUSHI KIT!!! to thank me for my participation.
Hear me out- I am a person who is the beneficiary of magic. Okay, maybe ambition. All right, maybe it’s just dumb luck. For whatever reason, good things happen to me and it’s freaking awesome. I receive fun and strange compliments on my outfits from strangers. Packages arrive at my door at random. Brooks Brothers gives me amazing discounts, though that could also be because I spend the average GNP’s worth of a small country at their online store. And this week, in the mail, I got a real, live sushi kit, complete with pickled ginger, rice, and a six-pack of beer. Continue reading
Praise the test market lords and demigods of saturated fat, we have a new burger! The Jalapeno Double features two beef patties, white cheddar cheese, jalapeno aioli, and both pickled and crispy jalapenos. I’ll give it to you in stock terms: buy now, and buy long. This burger is impeccable. I was nervous that the loss of the onions, pickles, ketchup, and mustard would take away some of the acidity and balance that the classic McDouble is known for, but thankfully, McDonald’s mitigated the acidity gracefully in this one. Continue reading
Well, now I know why all my April Fool’s jokes were late. The post office hates me, and FedEx dropped something off that was a ‘restricted material.’ I was prepared for either delicious alcohol or a non-delicious subpoena, job offer, or scam check from a car decal craigslist ad, but was pleased to find a sample bottle of Cheeteau, the new fragrance from Frito-Lay. Now, I’m not a perfume blogger, but I gained a decent deal of perfume knowledge from my last ex, so alongside the real deal, let’s analyze the cologne. Continue reading
Woof! I perpetually suffer from what the French call l’esprit d’escalier, or in English, ‘being a little slow on the uptake.’ I came up with four perfect April Fool’s jokes on April 2nd- at 12:30 AM, when what was once funny is now merely irritating, and wore my interesting vest for our property discussion on vested interest on the wrong day. (It was madras.) Much like David Ives’ titular opus, it really is all in the timing. So here’s some dog ice cream. April Fool’s! Continue reading
Summer is coming! Spring is here! I can wear shorts without feeling the need to amputate both of my legs! I mean, it’s not like it snowed on Monday and my car got stuck in the driveway or anything. Connecticut, you whack. With the lovely weather, I’m cooking up a storm and procrastinating on the gym when it ought to be the other way around. I recently started to desire eating meat again, so I roasted a pork butt and chopped it up for this spectacular sandwich.
I had a number of things planned out for my future tombstone. Call it a list of superlatives, accomplishments. Things I wanted people to know about my life that seemed worthy of paying a person to painstakingly engrave into the marker of my final resting place. ‘Never enjoyed Boston,’ ‘Knew all the words to ‘The Bad Touch,’ ‘Never broke a phone,’ ‘Was heavy in the game,’ and such. But after my HTC kissed the pavement today, I can safely scratch off one of those macabre, creepy hypotheticals. Have you ever broken a phone? It’s like losing a limb. A stupid, slow limb with low battery, but a limb nevertheless. Continue reading
Oh, Dunkin’, you sly minx. What are you, the Ace of Cakes? Or rather, some yet-unnamed ice-cream themed show on the Food Network that a young, hell-destined executive is dreaming of as we speak. So many limited edition flavors! So many weird things! The donut sandwich seemed serendipitous, as if you’d finally caught wind of those odd concepts like trends and memes that the bakery scene so often misses, and the slew of red velvet could have been chalked up to the holidays. But now you’ve paired with old fling Baskin Robbins in the oddest juxtaposition to date: ice-cream flavored coffee, for people who like a little caffeine with their sugar. Mint chocolate chip, butter pecan, jamoca…all de rigueur.And this is cookie dough. Continue reading
Oh, gas stations. Sometimes I forget how novel and wonderful they are. I’ll admit, having a car and paying my own bills and buying toilet paper, the harbingers of adulthood, has made me a little jaded. Gone are the days when I could waltz into a convenience store on the hunt for nary more than barbecue chicken-flavored Cheetos and leave with that and a Slurpee. Now there’s gas to buy, or I’ll slump in for an Aspirin after a long night of studying. The novelties go overlooked in favor of deodorant and ice scrapers. Perhaps I sensed something magical in the damp, inexplicably snowy air today, because I paused by the candy aisle, scanning the Hershey bars, Starburst, and weird, sticky Twizzlers knockoffs to find something delightfully creepy, and terribly named. Continue reading