Crest Be Adventurous Mint Chocolate Trek Toothpaste, Be Dynamic, and Be Inspired

There comes a time in the life of a blogger, when the writer must earn their stripes. For some, it was willfully ingesting Heinz purple EZ Squirt to the chagrin of friends and family. For others, the oral sacrifice to a thousand Warheads. And now, today, I have succumbed to a higher, mintier power: Crest Be.dsc_7668

Crest Be. The only toothpaste to co-opt the imperative command. It begs you to raise your potential, try new things. It’s inspired by adjectives chiefly utilized by people who want to skydive, but would prefer to have a desktop background of skydiving instead. When inspirational quotes outweigh actual inspiration, and your iPod is filled with Brad Paisley and six duplicates of ‘We Are Young’. It’s the backwash of excitement, the second-hand smoke of thrill. It’s fucking toothpaste.Fotor02050428Crest Be comes in three flavors: Be Inspired, vanilla mint, Be Dynamic, lime zest mint, and the motherload of mouth foam, Be Adventurous, mint chocolate chip. Together, they feature a color palate straight out of a mid-level corporate bathroom scheme- soap and all.dsc_7678Be Inspired is the least offensive of the flavors. Vanilla mint is a fairly pedestrian taste, not a far cry from the tried and true combination of menthol cigarettes and ice cream, but there is a pervasive sweetness to the paste that lingers on the teeth. The effect is somewhat counterproductive in light of the purpose- it feels saccharine. DSC_7676Be Inspired, though, is a pasty delicacy compared to Be Dynamic. Lime mint is concentrated into a goo a mere chomp away from napalm, related to dynamism only in its strikingly abrasive acidity. Specifically, it tastes like a potent shot of powdered lemonade and an herb garden. It’s intense enough to scare away the plaque. But it’s Be Adventurous that takes the cake- a little too literally, with a rich, dark cocoa flavor and a stark resemblance to mint chocolate chip ice cream, in ooze form. Each is special. Each is odd. They’re too clinical to seem like novelty toothpastes, but they’re too idiosyncratic to make you feel clean, like novelty underwear. The line is exuberant, but will look awfully ironic atop a clearance shelf six months from now. Still, a compelling concept. What do the Crest Be’s of 2015 hold in a post-debt bubble world? Be Tentative? Be Complacent? Be A Communications Major? Either way, it leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth and more than a few questions.
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4 comments

  1. Kevin

    Another mega-corp encroaching on innovation and novelty. How fitting for the next big holiday on the calendar.

    The last couple years around this time the C-spot in a departure from their regular reviews covered a chocolate toothpaste called Theodent by Rennou. They wrote:

    “VD

    You know you have it. We all do. No, not that… but Valentine’s Day – that special date when humanity, engaged in a conspiracy of love, feels compelled to give heart-shaped boxes to prove our affection. Break-up from Godiva & that clinical-Cassanova geeking on about cacáo’s “love compounds” found in “sultry chocolate” like the “bliss chemical” anandamide (a cannabinoid neurotransmitter released in the brain while feeling great) — none, btw, in high enough concentrations to be aphrodisiacs by their lonesome. (Pssst, the secret to chocolate’s FXs is in their symbiosis.)

    This VD put your love in a tube… of chocolate toothpaste.”
    (from http://www.c-spot.com/chocolate-census/bars/bar/?pid=1840 and the other Theodent flavor is here: http://www.c-spot.com/chocolate-census/bars/bar/?pid=1618)

    I tried it. It was expensive. Something like $12 at Whole Foods. I suppose you can call it Crest Deluxe. I liked it but I did feel like I was brushing with cake frosting. Yum.

  2. Pete Willis

    I have to say I have tried all of the toothpastes and I found them to be REALLY tasty and very effective at removing the plaque. I will definitely use them again as this, for me at least, is a very welcome departure from the usual boring mint.

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