Please, please, please don’t make me leave Arkansas. It’s a secret prayer to the complete and beautifully blanketing anonymity of the internet, where you are a stranger to all but your closest family and friends, a few bosses, and 7 billion random people. I’m sorry that people think it’s a flyover state. I’m sorry that I even know that phrase because I went to a Jason Aldeen concert of my own volition and I liked it, and I’m sorry that I still have a billion restaurants to try and not nearly enough time left in the world. By next Friday I’ll be in Memphis or somewhere in the Northern part of Alabama and fuck those places, because they’re not Arkansas, employment, or a place where I can stay more than a night.So yeah, I’m panicking over a yogurt that I bought at a little store in the hotel that I’m staying in for only a week more, which is an entirely normal duration of time for a human being to stay in a hotel. And I don’t want to be a normal human being staying in a normal place for a normal amount of time! To impede these thoughts I’m eating blueberry cardamom yogurt. By Dreaming Cow, which is coincidentally what I was last night when I was dreaming of leaving. I don’t think I’ve panicked this much since Paris. I was probably eating yogurt in a blind panic, too. I’m a creature of obsessive terror and apparently, New England is my messed up bedroom. Unless the yogurt is my version of garmonbozia and physically manifests itself in the form of yogurt instead of creamed corn, representative of the spiritual weight of angst tinted with acidic, creamy white stuff and fruit on the bottom. Thanks, David Lynch.Blueberry cardamom yogurt has cream on the top, which is charming and annoying to mix. And also bears the unfortunate resemblance to cellulite. The flavor is very mild, with little in the way of fruit or spices. The chief flavor is milk, the pleasant grass-fed, rich, almost cheesy flavor of cow, but has a nice blueberry note. Each bite feels overwhelmingly fresh, but the notes of cardamom feel less added or in balance with the other components and more a natural effect of the flavor of the berries. I really don’t taste it. It is a tasty yogurt. It alleviates my anxiety only slightly less than the Steak ‘n’ Shake burger I had for lunch. Woof.