Tumeric Elixir of Life Vanilla Bean

I’ve been MIA for a few reasons- for one, exams have reared their terrifying, software-based, open-booked heads and have taken over my life like an antimatter blob made of terminology and the tears of the innocent, and for two, I’m in a five-season period of mourning for the late, great Community. Damn you, Dan Harmon, you beautiful, ephemeral beast. For another, unless you’ve stalked me on LinkedIn, I’ve been preparing for my big summer move- I’m taking a week to drive to Arkansas, starting this Sunday, to begin my position as a summer associate in the legal department of a large corporation. I’ll be driving there and back, traveling west on the way down and heading south on my way back up, and will be there until late August, so expect lots of delicious Southern specialties and neat, new restaurants to review!wpid-wp-1399688131059.jpeg

In the meantime, before I leave New England, I thought I’d review one last hippie-dippie, trendy Whole Foods bonanza, despite that I’ll be living within walking distance of the only Fresh Market in Arkansas all summer. Behold- Tumeric, Elixir of Life. Or Tumeric Drink. Or Tumeric Alive? Neither name really reveals how simultaneously bizarre and bland the drink is. Tumeric Vanilla Bean Elixir is surprisingly not a bonus item to be found in the latest Zelda game, nor is it the name of a new-wave folk band opening for Deer Tick at Newport this summer.
wpid-wp-1399688142433.jpegThe drink contains ginger, cardamom, spearmint, sea salt, cayenne, and more- a veritable garden of ingredients that have the potential to taste like a refreshing cocktail or a cleanse gone wrong. Unfortunately, it leans toward the latter with a mintier, aggressive cayenne and lemon flavor up front that overwhelms the subtle bourbon, vanilla, spice notes that one would expect. The tumeric, typically a more bitter cousin of ginger, wasn’t flavorful even with the added ginger pulp.wpid-wp-1399688135809.jpegUltimately, for such a cleverly blended beverage, it has work to do before its flavors supersede its poor balancing act. Perhaps I purchased a particularly spicy bottle, but for a beverage that advertises primarily sweet ingredients, such a punch of spice was both unexpected and unfortunate. If I wanted a cleanse, I’d go old school and get out my maple syrup, Crystal Light, and Tabasco. In this case, a little more finesse would have been preferable.
rating5

3 comments

  1. Kevin

    Jess, so many promising ingredients, so few kept in check.

    Open book exams? So that is what memory has become — remembering how to turn a page and find the relevant passage or contact information for, what, Tyson Foods? Please don’t chicken out on us for good.

  2. Jess Watsky

    Indeed. Memorization has been outsourced in favor of making the better argument- soon, perhaps, I’ll do the same. It’s not Tyson, though, but Kevin, you need not worry- I ain’t no chicken, but I’m turning the dial up to Eleven, so to speak. ;-)

    • Kevin

      Well, let’s just hope you’ll marshall your manifold talents to rock out some Diamond Bear brews whole hog instead of harping some corporate tune

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